This is who I am {Pages from Diary - 25}

A cousin of mine got married a week ago. I skipped the wedding function. (I hadn't attended her engagement ceremony too but it had different reasons.. It was my University exam back then). Why I didn't attend her wedding would have been different post altogether..but to cut the story short, I would say, I did not wanted to sound as next eligible girl(as I graduated recently and now searching for job) and another thing, that girl had said really unpleasent things to my Dad.. So I dislike her a lot. So that was that... 

After the wedding ceremony, I got a call from Dad. I did not ask him anything but he told me that wedding function costed 8 lakh INR. I was like WTF. Seriously....?? 8 lakh??? All on decoration and flowers and music system..and food..which nobody eats properly...for relatives we see once or at most twice in entire life time.... Before I start talking about how this money could have been invested for long term, let me come to the point :P

The point of writing this post was entirely different.. In that call Dad told me one more thing..what my Mom said about my absence.. She was rather relieved that I did not came as wedding ceremony started..and the reason being she said to Dad that our daughter would have felt bad by seeing pretty/beautiful girls here(read my other cousins and their girl friends) wearing designer anarkalis, ghagras and makeup-ladden faces.. Because I am not kind of girl who wears anything bling or having trinkets or jardosi or heavy embroidery stuff...  I don't wear makeup..no lipsticks..no blushes..nothing... I am not beautiful or anything.. I hate vanity..  People don't/won't appreciate for how gorgeous I am looking..or how fair I am(its matters a lot to be fair girl in India at least and I am not fair.. I have wheat complexion with little pinkish undertones..).. I usually bury my head either in some mammoth-sized book or laptop or phone.. I don't gossip(the obvious corollary could be I am sort of not social but actually that is not the case.. I am not interested in talking about other people's lives unless they affect me...and unless of course you are talking about Nikola Tesla :P). 

So in short, my Mom would have felt awkward about having/raising a daughter who is like me or at least it is the best possible line I can interpret what she had said. (I actually wanted to say "ashamed" instead of "awkward" but I felt bad about myself).

No.. I am not going to say anything on this.. I cried a bit..and then I felt numb.. 

But one thing I decided to myself.... I will always be as plain and simple and genuine as I am.. If people in my life feel awkward about me, they can move on with their life..themselves... If someone can't accept me with my simplicity and straightforwardness, they better not relate with me in any way... I won't wear makeup or some outfit that I am not comfortable with(this includes saree too). 

This is who I am.. Nobody said you had to like it..

Little Notes on Girlhood

Okay.. Now this is a bullet points list..
Here it goes..

• Himalaya Antiseptic cream is great for allergy like bruises caused after waxing. I happened to apply it..and viola..it worked...overnight.. I have applied it again today... Also it has wonderful smell..a bit like Boroplus cream..
• If you disliked some ready-made wet facepack/mudpack or simply want to finish up tube, apply it to feet and wash off after 5-10 minutes... :D I was packing all day yesterday. So I had to work in dust.. I woke up to feet in no-so-good-condition and screaming for pedicure.. (I have never done it :P)..  I had nothing to do for a while so I applied this Himalaya Neem Pack. It worked well.
   
• I sometimes love outfits of Girls on tumblr... Especially on  Deserted Road.. Do check it out.
• I came across a beautiful paragraph..
  

  When you see how your blood still runs the color of sunsets and your tears the color of oceans deep, do not forget to remember that your lungs inhale heaven every time they expand.
  Keep the soles of your feet firmly planted on the earth. With weak ankles and knobby knees, embrace your form because even the most beautiful trees grow up crooked. It’s okay, because you can reach for sunlight with both arms flung open. Let it sink in your pores and flow bright in your veins.
  Gather up your broken blades like lost teeth. You can trade them in for better things, but don’t forget to ask for so much more. They are not your haphazard collection of keys. Throw them out, now, and don’t look for more doors to unlock.
  The more you love, the more you lose. The more you lose, the more you gain. The more you gain, the more you love. Do not stop halfway or you risk losing it all, even the love you never knew you had.
  Trace the graceful slope of your valleys with your fingertips, a lover’s caress. Realize that you may descend into darkness for a painful while, but eventually you will climb back up into the light.
  "
  

  -Nineteen years of lessons — vitamere (via vitamere )

   

Little Notes on Life

Gosh!!
Its such a long time I have written anything... Okay,  except codes.. They are my bread(whole wheat, mind you), butter(the white one we get when Mom churns the buttermilk, not Amul Butter) and well, cheese too...

So where I have been for all these days?
I did 2 courses and changed one accomodation..all in 2 months.. And now, I am living in a flat with 4 other girls..who are senior to me..and also doing 3rd course(!!) for an upcoming entrance exam..

I learnt a few things for some amazing people..(No..none of them are/were my room mates or even landlords)...


I keep forgetting what I learnt time to time.. So I will enlist it here.. And no, it won't be some bullet points with one line in front of each big dot..but it will have little background thought process of how I led to it..

First of all, I am not that fiercely ambitious(!!) feminist girl I used to be..
This is my biggest achievement so far.. :P
I want very few things...(Okay..okay.... Van Heusen Formals tops the list)..
Seriously... Good work in the industry I prefer, more than sufficient money(yes, gotta invest something for retirement..), good books.. and living below my means..maintain my mane...good food and broadband/3G internet.

Second thing I realized was success is something I will get when I will be closer to 30s...till then I want to keep doing my work quietly... Because all the amazing people I admire have worked in their industry for 10-15 years... They have expertise in their own domain, are down-to-earth and polite humans. The measure of knowledge and expertise for me is being able to teach some concept, chapter is intelligible and lucid language giving real-life analogies.

Third thing is something I hammer on my mind again and again and again, every damn day... Not to compare myself with anyone.... Its waste of time and thinking process...(I would solve Project Euler problems instead).. I have wasted huge amount of time in comparing myself with other people.. Not any more...

Referring to people I met till date here, just 2-3 people I met were genuinely nice.. Remaining all are, especially room-mates, they are grumpy all day long and selfish too... In their heads all the time... I mean we don't even smile at each other... I tried a lot for past month... Not anymore.. Now I pretend that they don't exist(a dear friend gave me this advice)... I try to be good (if not nice), try to smile, and try to help if possible... And I have stopped hoping/thinking that I will be able to make friends here.. I am not negative as such..but at least I am not desperate... I have bike and I go for chores, breakfast and shopping alone... And I am okay with it.. I badly miss my friends from my town, I miss my home, my parents and my Cat.. But still what I learnt was it doesn't cost much to smile and exchange few sentences.. I will strive to be nice with people who are nice to me
and at least good with people who are bad to me... Somehow I feel, this is more important than going to temple..or praying.. And try not to hold grudge against people around me..(I have been doing this a lot lately...)..


All in all, I want to remain sane and don't lose my hair..and sleep well... Everything else comes later...

Pages from My Diary {24-12-1011}

NB: This is really long back. I found it in my Evernote. Thought of publishing here. Its all depressing stuff. Skip if you don't want to read.

 

 

I really don't know what I want in my life. I don't have even the slightest idea where I'm going to.

I don't know how its gonna end. Though there are few things I'm sure about..

I want to get a job. I want to be really good at English. I wanna learn Japanese. Phew..

Over...

I don't have friends and I really mean it today. I seriously don't have friends.

Recently I broke my friendship with 2 best friends. 

I destroyed my SIM card and got the oldest one.

My inbox is empty these days.. It used to be flooding with with thousands of chat messages and forwards...

My g-Talk chat list is tiny now and nobody is on-line. I don't chat with anyone anymore.

I call AXYZ once or twice a day but she seemed irritated today so I won't call her for 2-3 days.

She is the only friend in contact with me. Life has taken a 360 degree turn within this fortnight. 

I lost 2 kgs. So many things...

But this was bound to happen....

I end up in a misery. Its alright. Life is a cycle so happiness is followed by sorrows, smile is followed by tears, joy is followed by disappointment.

Few days ago, I was high on my social life..lots of friends, thousands of forwards and text chats, talking 5-6 hours a day on phone and what not...

But now, it all disappeared like a dream....

I'm starting with a blank slate again....

I was in this condition one and half year ago but that was different...

This period came with lot of new experiences and mind-shifts..

I really feel bad sometimes....

I don't have anyone to talk to...

And I can't let it go with my usual IDM (It doesn't matter)...

Life is filled with emptiness...

Little Notes on Girlhood {Links - 5}

N.B.: This post is only for girls/women. Guys may/should skip it.

Now that I have been living with girls of my age and older for last two months. So I felt like sharing something I have learnt in this period (and in last 9 years of having period :P). So here it goes..

• All of my room-mates past and present too(I changed the room a week ago) wear bra to bed. Some 6 months ago, while talking with a dear friend, she told me that she wears bra to bed.. And when I asked her why, she dint have any particular answer. I was shocked. And I am more shocked after coming here. It is torture to wear something tight around your chest  while sleeping. It makes breathing difficult but because that we have formed habit for years, we may not feel like that. In adolescence, we are told to wear bra..not to take it off while sleeping. So please do yourself and your lungs a favour and remove bra while sleeping. And no, your breasts won't sag if you skip it at night. (In fact, wearing bra has nothing to do with sagging of breasts. They are going to sag no matter what you do sooner or later because of gravity).
  
• Don't use baking soda for scrubbing your face and lemon rind for that bleaching effect(!!!!!). Here is why.
  http://www.reddit.com/r/SkincareAddiction/comments/195lue/psa_please_do_not_use_baking_soda_on_your_skin_it/
  
• Don't grow your toenails like your finger nails. Trust me it looks gross. And please do not color them with some trashy hues like shiny purple, black(unless you are as fair as Cinderella), fiery red. Peach, olive green, baby pink looks great. (Personally, I use transparent :P )
  
• You need to read this about vaginal discharge and do your own research about things related to this. You SHOULD know your body. Start from here and here.
  
• Seven tactics they use to make you buy you more makeup

If I ever compose a jazz track, its name would be:

• Eight years
  
• Walking in the woods
  
• Frosty ice.. Teary eyes..
  
• The grass is not greener..
  
• Whistling winds..
  
• Red light and zebra

My writing is being obscure and talking vague..(when it was not!)

A couple of months ago, I downloaded few jazz tracks from last.fm. The Titles of them synchronized with me sooo damn well.. I found them a bit mystic, a lot vague..and everyone is free to interpret his/her own meaning because there are no words whatsoever..

Some mistakes are never forgiven..

The title is enough..

Java Link Love

My Java is in full Swing (pun intended). :P

I am learning core Java and advanced Java and planning to do SCJP (now OCJP).. So while searching for some dumps, I came across these links. The best resource for learning Java is Oracle's Java Tutorials. I downloaded it for offline reading. Some concepts like this keyword and details about Collections and Generics are important.

This awesome guy, Nitin has posted four pdf's dumps on his blog..

http://nitinforu.wordpress.com/2013/05/09/scjp-certification-dumps-free-download/

Another awesome guy, Abhilash Koneri has posted total 6 quizzes and their answers too. Also he has written some good stuff about practical implementation of Java code in FTP.

That is all for today.. Adios. :D

Pages from Diary - 23

So I am in this new city since last fortnight. I have 8 roommates but still I don't share my room with anyone because it is too small to fit two beds. I wash my clothes almost every day by hand. The only luxury is electric water geyser and a maid who comes every morning to clean the rooms.
I am alone and well, lonely too..
I have not made many new friends. Rather I haven't made friends at all.. Just acquaintances.. Because I want to take time to know people.. I am in no hurry..

Had you told me that I was here at this place four years ago, I would have not believed it.. Even now, I am feeling if I am in a dream..

I kind of have freedom but I have to do lots of work everyday.. I doze in tuition and sometimes sleep in the lab on my keyboard..

I want to get a part-time job.. My Parents do support me financially but I want to be independent.. Sometimes I feel that I want to do this because I want to break all ties with them..

Also I go to the temple almost everyday..

P. S. Boring post.. I know.. :P

Exposure is over-rated.. Hinting is sexy. {Thinking Aloud - 5}

The other day, I was talking to one of my roommates who always wears halter-neck bra. Now, I know that halter-neck bras are more common than anything in metro-cities but in my hometown, it's kinda rare. While talking she said, "You should try this once..". I said, "the strap that would come over neck would trouble me..as I have sensitive skin." She said, "Try kar ke to dekho. Sexy lagta hain.. What is your size? I'll get you one.."
Hmmmmmm...
Sexy lagta hain..!!!
Really..?? Yes.. It does look and feel sexy.. For both, the person wearing and the person who is looking. Let me analyze it..
You wear a bra means you have got boobs.. And by wearing halter neck bra in normal dress(not in halter neck dress or backless one), you shout, "Hey, I have it.." (No, I am not being some orthodox granny here.. It actually conveys this same thing. Trust me, I am a girl and I know how it would feel although I haven't worn one.. ) More guys would turn heads and obviously hover their sight over your chest.. What?? No?? You gotta be kidding me..

You don't actually show any part of your chest and yet still, you hint about it.. Isn't it so?
Exposure is over-rated, dear.. Hinting is sexy.. That is why side-boobs are rage there..

And now a slightly off-topic still related thing..
Few days back, I read about why women like to show off some (or big) part of their breast. There was a list of reasons. One of that was that some women simply think that breast are mammary gland and it is no different from hand or legs i.e. Just like another body part.. Nothing can be funnier that this. I mean okay.. So breastfeeding is just a baby drinking milk.. So would you breast-feed your baby in public??
What I want to say that everyone who shows off their breasts know inwardly (albeit subconsciously)
That its sexy.. It's attention-grabbing and attention is flattering...who doesn't like attention?? Everyone does. Just admit that it is for this.. When you feel sexy inwardly, it is clearly visible on your face. That is what they call "Sexy". (Remember Vidya Balan from The Dirty Picture. In one scene, her character is told to look hot and sexy. She fails a couple of times at first but then she remembers the sounds she heard while her landlady was sleeping with her husband. And she delivered a perfect shot.. Smokin' hot..!!)

P. S. I am in no way against women showing off breasts or wearing halter necks. Their breast, their business. But I do have my opinion/comment on it. It is written above.

Pages from Diary - 22

Okay..so i like this guy since say two and half to be accurate..and one day, this thought dawned to me that i am loyal to him.. Is that so?? Of course it is.. For some days after that, i was on cloud 9, that OMG, in this world of one-night-stands(not that they are bad/unethical/immoral but just not my type), i am honest with a guy for this long(!!!!!) time...

Later, my thought process took a different turn.. Was I alone part of this honesty/loyalty?? Or it was his lion's share in being someone to be totally honest with?? Seriously!!!! I wonder now and laugh at my stupid thoughts on it. For some part, I am/was honest which is something in-built in me..you call it sanskara or nature or whatever(Mind you, I am Gemini..the most flirtatious zodiac). But for a large part, its him. I did not get a chance to think about someone else..even if I did, it used to be like..no..no one can be like him.. And even now, when I am in this new city, its quiet big and I see numerous boys everyday, handsome/cute/intelligent/having good sense of humour...but well, I don't want to look at them..even glance...or I see them, and then forget about them..so far, it has been like this.. 

And now, I don't want to label it as like honesty/loyalty/commitment etc. I don't need it.. I know myself..good enough and I know him.. These labels are not useless..They do have some definite meaning but still words have some limitations.. At this point(perhaps it is too early to say so still), I think some things are beyond words..it is not really about the words any more or so I think... Connection is better word..for it..

Stay tuned till I realize new meanings of connection and read between it letters... :P

Lessons from Therapist (Pages from Diary - 21)

So i had been to the Therapist for Psychotherapy and Counseling. It lasted for two hours. And probably one of the best two hours of my life. She told me that we are responsible for managing and handling our own emotions. It would be brief summary of session. But no, its not as simple as it sounds..

And viola, I could implement that too. As I said earlier, I like certain boy. And I used to text him when I miss him. Sometimes he replies and sometimes he does not. Once he did not and I kept thinking about it for entire day though I knew the reasons behind his quietness. Today, it did not happened. I mean, I texted him. He did not reply. But then I texted him saying that its okay if he dint feel like saying so. And I told myself that, I like him, I miss him and I should handle it. And it worked.

Second thing she told me that if certain person it behaving in certain way and this is how he/she is, then let him/her be. Don't waste your energy on trying to change that person.

I tried that too. With my cousin and Mom. I was feeling a bit down, physically and emotionally too, I told this to Mom. I was feeling feverish and was coughing. Its not that she dint bother but she was busy in her work. Had it been some other day, I would not have left any stone unturned to grab her attention. But I simply let her be. And let me myself be too. I was calm, told a dear friend how I was feeling and simply sat down on chair for lot of time. Then I had dinner and took medicines. I felt better..not because of medicines but because of myself.

That is all for today.

Adios.

Pages from Diary - 20

Okay. I want this to be last time I would write about this.. Do I need always reminder that my Mom doesn't love me? And that she thinks of me like her responsibility or duty than love or care??

There is this difference in treating your child with love and thinking that she is your responsibility. Responsibility is formal and usually unwanted obligation. My Mother treats me like later because she thinks that she needs to think just as much about that would be enough so that my in-laws won't curse her for my upbringing. Not a pinch more, not a pinch less.. So there is no love/care whatsover.. I have at least two incidents that would prove this..

(And I am being perfectly rational and unbiased here. I don't think of myself as victim. While thinking all this, I was considering myself as third person and I dint give myself any favours which might have ended up into false conclusions.)

*****

Incident 1:

This happened two years back in July. I was in my sophomore year of degree. It was a rainy day and all roads were muddy and slippery.  On that day, I was coming from college and a buffalo came across my Scooty, her horn hit the handle and I fell down. Few people came to help me (May God give bless them with long life). My right knee was badly injured. My white legging was filled with blood from the wound. Despite of that, I drove to home for almost 15 minutes. When I came home, Mom saw the wound. She saw that the leg was not broken. And then said, "I don't think you need to go to doctor right now. No hurry." Dad scolded her and took me to the GP. My wound was so deep that the bone was visible from it. That doc took half an hour for dressing the wound and prescribed me 6 tablets a day and protein shake.

Later one day, she said, "If you had your knee broken and had you been disabled, then how could we have managed to get married !!!!".

I was speechless.

Incident 2:

This happened a couple of days back. I fell on my head and got my waist bone hurt.She asked me once after long time I was hurt that if I was okay. Then in the evening, she asked once again to confirm that my brain is not injured.

How can they get me married if my brain is hurt??

So she had point once again..

*****

Enough said..

Security and Privacy {Links - 3}

Our information is not safe on internet..especially if we use Google everyday..now who doesn't use Google regularly..!!!

But Google TRACKS US..

Here is how it trackes us..albeit by sugar-coating it..

And we can opt out of it still I am doubtful about it..because Google has been really suspicious these days.. (Or was it always like this and we came to know now??)

*****

HTTPS means Secured Hypertext transfer protocol..read more about it here.

That article is full of tech lingo so for now just remember that HTTPS should (or must) be preferred over just HTTP. So EFF and Tor Project made this add-on named

 

Install it  for secure browsing. For Firefox and Chrome both..

*****

This awesome guy Giorgio Maone made an add-on for firefox.. NoScript Security Suite.. He says that

"Rather than disabling JavaScript and other potentially exploitable technologies everywhere, which was the only work-around available, I decided to develop a more usable approach, giving myself and other users the ability to allow active content on trusted sites."

Install it here..

*****

Illustrated guide to filter bubble by DuckDuckGo

*****

Do Not Track Us

*****

Fix Tracking

I installed all the add-ons enlisted here..

*****

I made DuckDuckGO my default search engine..and now I am being a bit skeptic about using Chrome because it is made by Google. BTW I am a Computer Engineer, buddying geek, sparsely use Windows and staunch supporter of FOSS. And I personally feel that privacy is utmost important and there should be no compromise when it comes to privacy, security and confidentiality. These three words may sound similar but they have different meanings. (For more information refer to Cryptography and Network Security by William Stallings)

Men, Sheer Clothing and Shri Devi {Thinking Aloud - 3}

Warning: Don't open hyperlinks in this post if you are reading this in office internet..

I am feeling a bit awkward to write this..but I felt there should be an extension to Thinking aloud -1. So here it is. This is toooo damn awkward.. :-| Okay.. Here it goes..

Few weeks back, when I was in college, once I was talking to a guy friend in corridor and we were standing beside the wall facing each other.. It was break time so people were going to or coming from the class-rooms. While talking to him, I was (obviously) looking at him..but he was not looking at me.. That was a bit different from how he used to be. We hardly chatted in corridor and usually we sit in class-room or canteen or at Chaiwala. We used to sit and talk.

So I was looking at him..then I was paying attention to him.. Then I realized that he was looking at pretty or not-so-pretty girls. Then I looked more carefully and he was not really at their faces but..umm..well at breasts.

(Actually this is no-brainer but this was first time I saw some guy actually staring at boobs... No..no..2nd time.. First time it was a very good (another) friend but that is even more awkward than this..)

Okay.. Guys watch porn...and it is available like never before(Courtesy of internet).. They have girlfriend/s whom they probably sleep with. (Not all but some).. Now they have access to such enormous variety(!!!!) why would still they stare at breasts of girl passing by..even if she is not wearing plunging neckline or V-neck dress..

(Some boys have head-to-toe look but some other day on that)

Somewhere I read that guys are curious about it so they stare..but can their eyes scan via the dress and see it?? And FCS, boobs are boobs.. I mean what would be different?? (Please not that I am not against guys staring at boobs.. I know its natural but its a bit hard to digest)

Somewhere else I got to read that boys are attached to breasts right since breast-feeding.. Come on...what about guys who don't get breast-fed?? 

Also I have noticed one thing. Girls do wear clothes that would highlight their "assets" but that doesn't include nipples.. They just show some part of it to make others(read guys/men) curious about it.. What the hell is point of this??

And media makes havoc when some celebrity wears see-through clothing causing nipslip and side-boobs..?? So breasts are okay and nipples are not.. Huh!!! Or is it like now it has became okay to show off a part of breast but nipples are NO-NO??

The other day, I watched a movie Lamhe on DD National..starring Shri Devi and Anil Kapoor as leads.. The songs pictured on Shri Devi, she danced so well.. And in one of the songs, she was wearing traditional Rajsthani Ghagra-Choli. Why about some old flick in this post? Because in that attire, there were no plunging neckline..no bare midriff..just as much as some orthodox Rajsthani married woman do while wearing Saree or Ghagra-choli?? Further as the film proceeds, they go to London..there again.. She was wearing simple and vibrant skirt-midis.. T-shirts and pants..all of them colorful and chic but not showing off her breasts or midriff.. And she delivered stunning performance. Show off had nothing to do with her acting.. She was not trying to look sexy. Her dances were suave.. She dint have to show bare,toned back to dance well. She was immersed completely into character. And her character had shades of an adult girl to teen girl of sixteen..(I said in reverse order because the adult one gives birth to a daughter and dies. And then Shri Devi herself plays the role of her adolescent daughter.)

She was so graceful in her own skin..so natural and yet soo much the character itself.. How many actress can today do this without looking sexy, wearing bikini

and smooching on-screen? I am not against kisses, bikinis or bare midriffs/backs.. Just that it is not part of acting..or so do I think..

Enough of rambling now and going back to the original question..

I found this research on men's staring at breasts by Larry Young(iske toh naam mein hi jawani hain :P ;))..

And here an article that kinda praises celebrities who can rock see-thru clothes.. Most other are like.."OMG..she is wearing transparent dress and her nipples are visible..click..click..."

Timepass {Links - 2}

I don't want to put on makeup.. So I decided to see if there are netizens like me.. And I found this..

http://twenty-somethingtravel.com/2013/01/what-i-learned-from-a-year-without-make-up/

I was so messy and un-thoughtful..

http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/22-things-youre-doing-wrong

This was a good read.. Thought Catalog is what I read to kill time..

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/25-things-you-should-remember-to-do-every-day/

The French hold the no-makeup look in high regard. I suddenly started liking French people.. :P

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/25/fashion/thursdaystyles/25skin.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Pages from Diary - 19

It was rather bad day today..

I went to upstairs and fell on my head..on the slippery terrace..

There were algae and little mud and lots of water..and I fell in that..

And my head is aching..

I seldom cry when I fall or get injured, but today I literally burst into tears there itself.. Thank God my spectacles were okay..and so was head..

Anyhow, so I cried.. As always, Mom asked once or twice about it and she went out for her work..

I felt bad at first but then it was okay suddenly..

I fell because I was gonna fell..call it whatever fate, destiny, kismet or human mistake..

My head is aching but I can tolerate that..

Mom dint care and I can tolerate that too..

Dad doesn't know and I dint tell him..I may not tell him..

I took responsibility for my pains and its fine..never better... 

How to install Google Chrome in openSUSE 12.3

I installed openSUSE 12.3 recently. Installing Chrome on it is pretty easy. Just two commands..

linux-gw6t:~ #

zypper addrepo http://dl.google.com/linux/chrome/rpm/stable/x86_64/ google-chrome-x86_64

After this command, you will see something like this..

 

Having done that,

linux-gw6t:~ # zypper install google-chrome-stable

 

Done!!!

To run Google Chrome as root,

linux-3y8t:~ # vim /usr/bin/google-chrome

Enter --user-data-dir in the last line like shown in the image below.

Source>>

I got these commands here:

http://pkgs.org/fedora-centos-rhel-opensuse-mandriva/google-chrome-x86_64/google-chrome-stable-28.0.1500.71-209842.x86_64.rpm.html

Pages from Diary - 18

I realize this almost everyday. I am going to leave my home..and nobody is going to call me and tell me that they are missing me. Neither I have a big friend circle to keep in touch with....(a couple of good friends..that is all)

I am going to live in a new city..where I don't have friends..

It feels bad but its okay..

And its really not question of being positive or negative here..or so do I think..

Just I felt bad, because I don't have anything to take me with..

I have never been great friend to anyone..I don't have any special ability..or even any special skill..I don't have anything that will people remember me for.

Its not negative or positive but true..bitter bite of truth.

Pages from Diary -17

Those anti-depressants have shown their side-effect first time. I was drowsy all day long. And under pressure too..because Mom scolds if I go to sleep.

I was dozing entire morning and literally waiting for Mom to go out so that I could sleep peacefully for at least half-an-hour.

And I saw two recursive dreams..after long time..like 6-8 weeks..

In first dream, I was sleeping in my dream and there I was seeing dream and sleeping there again.. I was trying to wake up in last level dream but of course I could not.. All I was hearing was Mom's voice in background and her scolding..

Another recursive dream was in the noon. I have decided to nap for hour but again the same thing. Mom's scolding, I was sleeping and my heart beating fat..

Both of them drained me.. It was probably worst experience..

The day was blank like a black board and I lost all the white chalks..

Pages from Diary - 16

I like a certain guy...since say 3 years but it sounds like I like him since ages. 

So few weeks ago, I asked him when does he plans to get married. He said no less than the age of 28.

Needless to say, that kinda made me anxious and sad too. Because by the time he'll turn 28, I would have turned 25. And there is little chance that my folks would let me be unmarried for this age. But I could not tell him that. I knew what he was going to say.. "Live your own life"..and stuff like that. Not that what he says is wrong. But I was kind of worried.

Later I went to psychiatrist and he diagnosed me as depressive disorder patient.
Hmmmmmmmm!!!
Do I have any right to get married and have kids now??
A wise man would answer NO.

My mother was depressed at the time when she got married and that continued even when she was pregnant and when I was borned, it became even worse.
And that bloody depression showed its true colors when I was in 5th standard. I did not tell this to doc but I have been feeling suicidal since 5th standard. That means I am in depression for last 11 years..

I have little or no idea when I will be cured completely for my depression. And I don't want to get married till it cures completely. I don't want to have kids with depression.. I know they would end up being brilliant and artistic but may not be mentally balanced i.e. anxious and depressed.

I will not ask him again when he plans to get married.

Reputation aka Khandaan ki Izzat {Thinking Aloud - 2}

So, I had to listen tantrums from mother once again.. She was like "don't go in the new city and do anything that would spoil our reputation."

When yesterday, I had gone to Pune, I felt nice. I always always wanted to live where nobody knows me. And in Pune, only 6 people know me so far.

What can go wrong with me here?? Let me enlist it..

1. I might get a boyfriend and go on date with him.
2. I might sleep with him.
3. I might get raped.
4. I might have bad girl friends.

These are the things that would spoil my family's reputation in society, relatives, friends etc.

They DO NOT think it this way..

1. If she falls in love, and gets her heart broken, she would never be able to love anyone again..
2. She might get STDs or even worse AIDS.
3. She will get huge and painful scars, mental, physical and emotional and never be able to speak up for herself again. She will be punished for mistake that is not her own. She might end up hating her womanhood.
4. The company of bad girls might lead to drinking, smoking or even worse narcotic drugs.

They don't really and honestly care about me, my body, my heart, my soul.

All they think about is their REPUTATION that is not going to come in grave. Nobody has time to think about you and your reputation people..

Everybody has their own businesses.

I HATE HATE HATE you.. Shame on mother like you..

Save ink and Self-help :P {Links - 1}

Links of some articles I would love to share:

Fonts for saving printer link..

http://www.labnol.org/internet/fonts-for-saving-printer-ink/12603/

Becoming a better judge of people:

a list of intrinsic factors that would help to the the person

http://blogs.hbr.org/tjan/2013/06/becoming-a-better-judge-of-peo.html

Things that make us look rude:

I am guilty of doing these things many times..

http://girlsguideto.com/articles/12-things-we-do-on-a-daily-basis-that-make-us-look-rude

Bone health, Calcium, cholocalciferol  and more..

http://smallbites.andybellatti.com/beyond-milk-theres-much-more-to-bone-health-than-calcium-and-vitamin-d/

Guys and Porn and blah... {Thinking Aloud -1}

The other day, my Aunt was telling me about one of her acquaintances. The married couple she lived few days with. I don't know whether I should write about it or not still..

Okay, so about that couple..they don't have child, the wife is somewhat fierce and tomboyish..not in attire but in attitude and talking..

My Aunt was telling me that the husband watches Yoga shows on TV all the day. I was like so what's wrong with that..(referring to my own Yoga practice everyday.. Yoga is cool and necessary..) She said "No.. Is it polite to watch half-naked women in home on TV...??". Now I got it..

I can not obviously say that it is wrong or right..because I am not a man or even a guy for that matter.. I am 20-something girl..and I think though it is impolite, it is natural.. Come on, all men are like this..

Now about some of my guy friends..in 1 of the friends had photos of complete nude women on his phone and I accidently went to that folder while seeing the photos of trips. I was shocked at that time. Later, my project partner..he had entire project we were doing on his laptop..and he was going out of station just a couple of days before the deadline.. So I asked whether I could keep his laptop with me so that I would be able to do some last minute finishing.. He hesitated first but then said, "Okay.. Keep this with you..but if you happen to see something that you are not supposed to, then don't blame me for that.." Hmmmmmmmmm...!! That was tough question indeed..

Even later, I was peeking when another friend was doing some work on his laptop. I asked whether he had iso image of a certain Linux distro.. He said, "let me search..". He took the cursor to the searchbox and started typing the name. Before doing that, a list appeared about previous searches he did in it as it was Windows 7. And viola, I saw "Bras, Pussies.." in that list.. I had became kinda wise after previous two experiences..but this was really WTF!! For many days after this, I could not talk properly with this guy!! Any time, his phone or text would remind of this incident..

I was feeling uneasy even when his name was mentioned.. It was weird.. I knew that boys watch porn..they download it..and blah.. But I didn't know that this would be case with 3 of my close friends.. Nevertheless..

Then I came across this. Though I don't have boyfriend, who watches porn, this is a good read for a girl's perspective. I don't really agree with the article still she has some good points. And here is guy's perspective on watching porn.

P. S.: I am not pro-porn..neither I watch porn myself. I have seen some blogs on porn and read some stories out of curiosity but that doesn't interest me. I am not against boys' watching porn but neither I am on the same page with them. I think of this as matter of personal choice and individuality. I don't want to link this to morality and ethics or even religion.

P. P. S. : I thought I need to say this. I am highly against boys who rape a girl because they watched/read some rape-fantasy and pedophiles too.

P. P. P. S.: What I mentioned in post-post-scrip, was related to some statistics I read in a book(forgot the name), a while back. It says that 84% rapists told to police that they raped the girl because they wanted to mimic what they read/saw in porn. The statistics is from USA so might not be applicable everywhere still it is dangerous..

Pages from Diary - 15

F-i-n-a-l-l-y..I am going to be in Pune for few months (I wanted to say for rest of my life but this would be too early to say that). The landlady is straightforward and landlord is strict. But I have no problem. Because honestly and frankly, all I wish to do is study, study and more study.. No..not the kind of study we do for exam..but the kind of which we do to learn concepts by heart and implement them.. I have already made the list of things to be carried there. I already have most of the things I am going to need and few are yet to be purchased.

****

I need to go to my psychiatrist and get medicines worth a complete month. I know I would not be able to live without them.

****

Since few days, I have been fond of Lacto calamine lotion, the aloe vera variety. Reason being, it contains zinc oxide which acts as sunscreen too. But now, I am hating it. I would prefer to go bare-faced instead of lotion-ladden face. It gives the face pinkish white caste while my skin has yellow undertones. And my neck is clearly yellowish. And then there is this difference between face and neck which is made visible by this lotion. So from now on, bare-face!!

****

I am going to take at least a dozen of mammoth-sized books with me. Just-in-case I need them. (I know I am not going to need most of them still..I can't live without books)

****

Pages from Diary - 14

So I will be in new city.. Pune!!

I have had this weird attraction towards Pune since really long time. All of my friends in highschool and in college too have one or more kith and kins in Pune. Some people even hailed from Pune. They always used to brag about what did they buy in Pune, latest fashion, trendy shrugs, clutches, flats, accessories and food too. Having all my relatives in Kolhapur, i have never been to Pune neither I had anyone there.. I always bought clothes from here itself and I never even occasionally went there. And all I kept hearing was about Pune. I was a lot curious about the city itself and also the people there.

I tried to postpone this thing but finally I am going there for further education for say one year at least. I am not even a bit excited. Rather tense!!

In my recent trip to Pune for inquiry about the course I want to take up, I saw some girls at that center. Most of them were of my age with loads of makeup on face, perfectly trendy and well may not be chic. I need to mention that none of them was a french chic.

Well, I will never fit here. No..I am not deciding anything. But I just feel that mentally and emotionally, I might end up being an outsider. I am not makeup-freak neither I have long, beautiful finger nails to pop up a bold manicure. I am not pretty. I like greys, blacks, navy blues, beiges and purples. I would hardly pop up any statement accessory because I would say I dislike them. I can not type or work or write if I wear rings or wristwatch or bangles or bracelets. I don't like neck-pieces. I keep my nails colorless almost always and I never grow them.(I cut my nails every other day.) I carry so much stuff with me that it can not fit in a handbag or even worse a clutch.

I am student at heart, can not do without diaries, books, stationery, writing pads etc. And a plain jane, too.. Makeup is not really my thing. So does being chic. I almost have never followed fashion trends. I never shop for the sake of shopping or just try cosmetics. I am skeptic and rarely spendthrift.   Perfectly happy with good books, good food and solitude.

I wonder how I am going to live in this city...

Things I want my kid/s to learn..

Disclaimer: I am neither a Mom nor i am pregnant nor married. But still I feel there are few things my to be kid/s should learn by heart..lessons to be learned which can not be taught..

Things I want my kid/s to learn:

• Success and failure both are temporary. Neither lasts forever. The important thing is what you learnt through the process..the way it changed you.. Your success and/or failure are not you. They are just one of the things happening to you. So they don't necessarily define you.
• Bragging seldom leads you to the place you want. First do, then speak.
• Pay attention to breathing. Breathing is life. If you breath in and can not breath out, you are dead. So breathe.
• Money is important but it is not the most important things. Money is medium not the aim..neither it should be. Think of telephone. We need phone. It is just a medium. Because it lets us connect with the person we want to talk to. But a phone is useless if there is no person on the other side. Precisely, money is medium to buy luxurious things and amenities. But health, people, sleep and love are things that can not be bought.
• Do your own mistakes and learn from them. Don't repeat them though.
• Life is a school. Be a good student and learn as much as you can.
• Facts are important but details are more important.

Pages from Diary - 13

So, I was diagnosed with depressive disorder. Something I knew for last 3 years but I called it depression. Later I realized that depression and depressive disorder are two different things. I told the doc that I don't feel like living anymore and about torture and low self-esteem. He prescribed me an anti-depressant and a folate. I started feeling better in the first dose itself.

On the third day, I felt like being normal. And trust me, I have never felt "normal" in last 8 years. I started to study enthusiastically and I found that I actually enjoyed and understood it. In fact, even there is some film being broadcast-ed on TV, still it failed to capture my attention. And I am Gemini..extremely unstable and unable to focus but I did. Even the kittens could not have my attention. I don't play with them.

Anyhow, later one thought popped up in my mind. What is the difference between suicide and self-harm? Suicide is crime against nature and I fear nature's laws more than anything. So I will not commit suicide under any circumstances. True!! But what about self-harm?? When the nature's laws were told, it did not include self-harm. Even Buddhism and Jainism follow principles of non-violence but I feel religions are artificial so it does not matter.

In self-harm, a person dies a little every day with every cut. And trust me, no one would self harm for fun. They think of it as punishment to themselves. (I have been there or I am still there..in thoughts and not in actions. There is big wall of small anti-depressants standing between me and that knife. The best part to cut would be thigh as I don't wear thigh-baring dresses or mini-skirts for that matter.)

They feel they are guilty of something or they lack something. So they feel they deserve nothing good but scars and wounds. Its difficult feeling to deal with. 
And they see no tomorrow..no hopes..so they don't improve. The process of healing the cuts produces serotonin in brain. And that makes feel good. I have never cut myself physically but i have dreamed of cutting or mentally cut myself few times. It feels like getting rid of one sin in the past..one bad day is erased..one mistake is corrected...one lie is forgiven.. It feels like going closer to God and farther away from humans. It feels like taking complete responsibilities of your mistakes and sins..without blaming anyone..

This is game of mind... The mind is player, winner and loser..

Pages from Diary - 12

So finally I went to take Psychiatrist's appointment. The receptionist was puzzled to see an outwardly cheerful girl, so she asked me what was my problem. I calmly said, Insomnia.. She smiled and said okay. And she gave me tomorrow's appointment. insomnia is just the consequence. My dark circles say a lot about torture from Mom, fear of failure and crying for my best friend.

But not everyone can read it.. Right?

And those who can read it, are away from my sight!!

 

Sakura - IV

Her screaming woke him up. He went in the room and saw her shivering in fear and crying...with her face hiding behind her hands. He was puzzled..he removed her hands from her face and she was in great shock..

She had seen a nightmare the night before..

She told him everything and cried, cried and cried..finally fell into his arms..

He held her tight but said nothing.. He was speechless.

After sometime, when she was feeling slightly better, he went in and made breakfast for her.

Egg tamagoyaki, fresh miso soup and boiled rice!!

As she was eating it, he kept staring at her.. When she asked about his breakfast, he said that he was not feeling hungry..

She was feeling at home..after a long.. The hearty breakfast reminded her of bentos he used to bring office..the colorful and flavourful ones. And she used to finish most of it, everyday..and he kept staring at her..just like he was doing now!! (Later he started bringing two bento boxes, one for her and one for he, himself!!)

Here, he was gathering his words..or crafting his words carefully.. Today was not Valentine's day neither Rose day. But he said to himself, love and friendship don't need a special day!!

She got ready. It was Sunday. She came into the living room and saw him there, sitting, waiting for her. There was this awkward moment..nobody was talking still both were listening.

He stood up, went to her and said,

"I am so sorry. I never expressed myself to you clearly. I never said 'I love you'. Did not proposed to you.. All I did was just staring at you, while you talking cheerfully about something and be amazed. I was shy and did not talk much but you always made me feel relaxing and comfortable. And this is not just about what I said. It lies a lot in what I couldn't put in words..but I know you would read my eyes and understand everything.. You are everything I could possibly ask for and much more.. You are the ivory crescent in dark sky and first ray of Sun in the foggy morning. I love you a lottt.. Will you marry me?"

This was all unexpected for her. She did not say anything for few moments..

Later she chuckled and said

"Yes but only if you will make me bento box every day."

He laughed loudly and said, "Oui ma chère!!"

Sakura - III

It was a dark, starry night...and he stood speechless there..in front of her.

"Okay" He said softly. And continued..

"Long ago I realised that i can not live without you.. No.. It was not as literal and obvious as it sounds. Its different. I fell for you but with eyes wide open and senses wide awake. At first, it was passionate and intense..like a fire in my heart and it burnt me all along. But as time passed, I became calmer and softer.. Then one day, you were gone.. Technically, we were living in adjacent apartments but still you were far away. And the long, yellow flames of the fire, suddenly became quiet lights in the path. Then i left Tokyo and came here. I knew I want to live with you so I was quiet aloof still nice to people around me but as always I did not allow anyone to peek into my heart. Then I started writing poems. My every tear became a word. Every day, I spent without became a poem. And every memory became a story. And no, it was not sad always. Rather I was sometimes happy too. I had fortune to meet my soulmate. So what if we did not end up together!! I started meditating and that calmed my mind. Earlier your memories used to come like thunderstorms. Now they became cool breezes. "

She stood there itself thinking how much he has changed still he is same all along.

After having dinner, she said that she is going to stay there itself. He showed her the guest bedroom. She went in and wept silently. And in all those tears, went to sleep.

In the morning, she woke up and went to bathroom. She saw there him. He was wearing bathrobe, lying in the bathtub filled with warm water. And the water had turned magenta red. Shiny silver knife was lying there on the floor. She screamed intensely.

To be continued...

I terribly fear that my marriage would be a business deal..

I mean no..not like that..my parents are not business people..

But still they think of marriage as practical thing..just like education..no emo attached...

Like said below..

Until recently, Indian marriages had all the trappings of a business transaction involving two deal-making families, a hardboiled matchmaker and a vocal board of shareholders - concerned uncles and aunts. The couple was almost incidental to the deal. They just dressed and showed up for the wedding ceremony. And after that the onus was on them to adjust to the 1,001 relatives, get to know each other and make the marriage work.

—Lavina Melwani, ^[104]

I don't know what the heck my parents  think about this..neither I can talk to 'em about it as they might think that it is my approval to get married..

Yikes...

And even worse is I'll be going to some another home..

What the fuck!!!!!!!

I sincerely hate all these kind of things...

puppet show, sarees, makeup, jewels, diamonds, sherwanis, and pathetic rituals and customs...and not to mention dowry...

Living sucks..

How to install Chrome in OpenSUSE 11.4

Now this is something I think of achievement in itself..
Installing Google Chrome on OpenSuSe..
Here is how it goes..
Before downloading, see whether your processor is 32-bit or 64-bit..
Open terminal and enter

linux-3y8t:~ # uname -i

If you get output as i386, download the 32-bit version, otherwise 64-bit version.

After completing the download, in the terminal, go to the directory where the repo is downloaded and enter

linux-3y8t:~/Downloads # rpm -ivh google-chrome-stable_current_i386.rpm

If after entering this command, you come across error message like this,


warning: google-chrome-stable_current_i386.rpm: Header V4 DSA/SHA1 Signature, key ID 7fac5991: NOKEY
error: Failed dependencies:
        lsb >= 4.0 is needed by google-chrome-stable-25.0.1364.172-187217.i386

Enter

linux-3y8t:~/Downloads # zypper install lsb

This command will install the lsb package required.
Having done that, enter this command again


linux-3y8t:~/Downloads # rpm -ivh google-chrome-stable_current_i386.rpm 

It'll show you output like this:

warning: google-chrome-stable_current_i386.rpm: Header V4 DSA/SHA1 Signature, key ID 7fac5991: NOKEY

Preparing...                ########################################### [100%]

   1:google-chrome-stable   ########################################### [100%]

Starting service at daemon                                            done

Now enter the following commands one by one if you want to be able to watch Youtube videos in Chrome

linux-3y8t:~/Downloads # mkdir /opt/google/chrome/plugins

linux-3y8t:~ # ln -s /usr/lib6/browser-plugins/* /opt/google/chrome/plugins/

To run Google Chrome, enter:

linux-3y8t:~ # google-chrome &

If you are logged in as root, then you'll get error message:

linux-3y8t:~ # [5993:5993:0317/223156:ERROR:chrome_browser_main_extra_parts_gtk.cc(51)] Startup refusing to run as root.

google-chrome &

[2] 6030

[1]   Exit 1                  google-chrome

For that, do the following:

linux-3y8t:~ # vim /usr/bin/google-chrome

Enter --user-data-dir in the last line like shown in the image below.

Now go to Application Launcher>>Internet>>Web Browser and you'll see short-cut for Google Chrome there. If you want to run using terminal command, enter aforementioned

linux-3y8t:~ # google-chrome &

and you are done!! :D

After installing Google Chrome, i added my favourite Web Apps from Chrome Web Store..and now i feel at home on Linux. :P

:D
Adios!!