Lessons from Therapist (Pages from Diary - 21)

So i had been to the Therapist for Psychotherapy and Counseling. It lasted for two hours. And probably one of the best two hours of my life. She told me that we are responsible for managing and handling our own emotions. It would be brief summary of session. But no, its not as simple as it sounds..

And viola, I could implement that too. As I said earlier, I like certain boy. And I used to text him when I miss him. Sometimes he replies and sometimes he does not. Once he did not and I kept thinking about it for entire day though I knew the reasons behind his quietness. Today, it did not happened. I mean, I texted him. He did not reply. But then I texted him saying that its okay if he dint feel like saying so. And I told myself that, I like him, I miss him and I should handle it. And it worked.

Second thing she told me that if certain person it behaving in certain way and this is how he/she is, then let him/her be. Don't waste your energy on trying to change that person.

I tried that too. With my cousin and Mom. I was feeling a bit down, physically and emotionally too, I told this to Mom. I was feeling feverish and was coughing. Its not that she dint bother but she was busy in her work. Had it been some other day, I would not have left any stone unturned to grab her attention. But I simply let her be. And let me myself be too. I was calm, told a dear friend how I was feeling and simply sat down on chair for lot of time. Then I had dinner and took medicines. I felt better..not because of medicines but because of myself.

That is all for today.

Adios.

Pages from Diary - 20

Okay. I want this to be last time I would write about this.. Do I need always reminder that my Mom doesn't love me? And that she thinks of me like her responsibility or duty than love or care??

There is this difference in treating your child with love and thinking that she is your responsibility. Responsibility is formal and usually unwanted obligation. My Mother treats me like later because she thinks that she needs to think just as much about that would be enough so that my in-laws won't curse her for my upbringing. Not a pinch more, not a pinch less.. So there is no love/care whatsover.. I have at least two incidents that would prove this..

(And I am being perfectly rational and unbiased here. I don't think of myself as victim. While thinking all this, I was considering myself as third person and I dint give myself any favours which might have ended up into false conclusions.)

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Incident 1:

This happened two years back in July. I was in my sophomore year of degree. It was a rainy day and all roads were muddy and slippery.  On that day, I was coming from college and a buffalo came across my Scooty, her horn hit the handle and I fell down. Few people came to help me (May God give bless them with long life). My right knee was badly injured. My white legging was filled with blood from the wound. Despite of that, I drove to home for almost 15 minutes. When I came home, Mom saw the wound. She saw that the leg was not broken. And then said, "I don't think you need to go to doctor right now. No hurry." Dad scolded her and took me to the GP. My wound was so deep that the bone was visible from it. That doc took half an hour for dressing the wound and prescribed me 6 tablets a day and protein shake.

Later one day, she said, "If you had your knee broken and had you been disabled, then how could we have managed to get married !!!!".

I was speechless.

Incident 2:

This happened a couple of days back. I fell on my head and got my waist bone hurt.She asked me once after long time I was hurt that if I was okay. Then in the evening, she asked once again to confirm that my brain is not injured.

How can they get me married if my brain is hurt??

So she had point once again..

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Enough said..

Security and Privacy {Links - 3}

Our information is not safe on internet..especially if we use Google everyday..now who doesn't use Google regularly..!!!

But Google TRACKS US..

Here is how it trackes us..albeit by sugar-coating it..

And we can opt out of it still I am doubtful about it..because Google has been really suspicious these days.. (Or was it always like this and we came to know now??)

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HTTPS means Secured Hypertext transfer protocol..read more about it here.

That article is full of tech lingo so for now just remember that HTTPS should (or must) be preferred over just HTTP. So EFF and Tor Project made this add-on named

 

Install it  for secure browsing. For Firefox and Chrome both..

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This awesome guy Giorgio Maone made an add-on for firefox.. NoScript Security Suite.. He says that

"Rather than disabling JavaScript and other potentially exploitable technologies everywhere, which was the only work-around available, I decided to develop a more usable approach, giving myself and other users the ability to allow active content on trusted sites."

Install it here..

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Illustrated guide to filter bubble by DuckDuckGo

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Do Not Track Us

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Fix Tracking

I installed all the add-ons enlisted here..

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I made DuckDuckGO my default search engine..and now I am being a bit skeptic about using Chrome because it is made by Google. BTW I am a Computer Engineer, buddying geek, sparsely use Windows and staunch supporter of FOSS. And I personally feel that privacy is utmost important and there should be no compromise when it comes to privacy, security and confidentiality. These three words may sound similar but they have different meanings. (For more information refer to Cryptography and Network Security by William Stallings)